A Call to Styx
by Mister Conservative
Summary: Styxhexenhammer666 fanfiction in which Styx, the famous youtuber, fights against the Legacy Media and the dreaded 2 party system. This is my first fanfiction so any mistakes I make writing wise will not be edited in this story so that I keep it as a memento of any mistakes I made or the good that I did in writing.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Decades after 2018, the world fell into an Internet Dark Age. Censorship reigned supreme and people were too afraid to challenge the legacy media. Leftist swill and neocon agendas were being pushed by the corporate media, creating more sheep. 4chan was banned, twitter censored every dissenting opinion that existed. The world had truly been cucked. Only one beacon of hope remained: Styxhexenhammer666.

It was a typical day for Styx, who was chopping a tree for firewood. He attended to his garden, planting leeks, peppers, and the like. His cats were helping him with his daily routine, such loyal and courageous feline friends they were. Styx wiped a tear from his eye as he remembered the passing of Cleopatra, his favorite cat. "Fuck it," he said. "It's time to get to work." He finished his gardening and his chopping and sluggishly returned to his home, his old age catching up to him. He put on his leather jacket, his spectacles, and his good attitude despite the bitterness he typically felt on a morning such as this. Youtube had removed his account, bitchute was shut down, and any free speech site was taken down. Any upload of an opinion that contradicted the government narrative would be punishable by imprisonment. Styx had sadly lost his way and stopped uploading videos. However, on this day, Styx decided that enough was enough. It was time to take a new stand against the powers that be, a renaissance of free speech was necessary to break the boring, irritating existence that people had. He turned on his computer, switched on the good ol' webcam, and began articulating his thoughts.

"Alright everyone it's time to talk about censorship. It seems that the corporate Democrats and the neocon Republicans have won. There's been next to no opinions that clash with the establishment. Now, I'm 70 years old. I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm gonna make this video in the hopes that people see it and wake up. Vote out these tyrants on the local level if elections even exist there and try your best to stage massive protests against the two party system. At this point, vote for a shitty Libertarian or a shitty Green Party candidate if they're the choices. Do what you need to do to spite these bastards, and I'll say this: if the good Left and the good Right united together 40 years back, we could have averted this catastrophe. Our government is a disaster, the world is in chaos, you can't hold private thought; I wouldn't be surprised if the government tried to implement a mind control device far worse than either CNN or Fox News. I predicted this would happen, you know. Did I not constantly talk about this back in the mid 2000s? I did. Mm *spoon clanks*. Frankly, what little hope I have in humanity will be destroyed if this video doesn't go viral. Do not be afraid to resist the establishment. Your money and property aren't worth anything if you don't have the freedom to do with them as you wish. That's about all. Peace out".

Styx uploaded the video on the Internet, knowing it'd seal his fate. Either the video would be taken down very quickly and no one would notice, or it would go viral for a short time and then it would be deleted. Either way, Styx would be condemned as a traitor to the nation, as the 1st Amendment had been revoked, and the United States people were too cowardly to do anything to put a stop to it. A day later, the video gained millions of views, but was of course taken down. Styx was crafty in evading detection from the Internet Police for so long, but it was inevitable that he'd get caught at some point. A knock came from the door, and Styx grabbed his weapons: a giant staff, a bow and arrow, and his 10.2 inch long dagger. The door came busting down as the Internet Police team came in. Styx smashed a few skulls in close quarters combat, he stabbed a few anti-free speech Internet Police, and his bow and arrow impaled someone's eye, the scream of which was very pleasing to Styx. Fat from the morbidly obese Internet Police was everywhere. However, Styx could only do so much, as the Internet Police would drag him outside of his house, imprison his cats in cages, and would line him up against the wall of his house. "I thought you guys hated guns", said Styx. The fat antifa pig-like leader responded "We do, just in the hands of anyone who opposes the globalists. We campaigned on gun control while the government secretly armed us, and it worked." "Any last words?" said the leader of the Internet Police, a fat, antifa looking, piece of shit. Styx said "Yeah, fuck you, you shitfucks. That's about all. Peace out". The fat antifa pig-like swine fuck leader ordered his men to fire on Styx, but because this was the Internet Police force, they missed most of their shots, and they were on full auto! However, Styx would still die in a hail of bullets. Blood sprayed everywhere, and Styx fell to the ground, his organs shot up, his spirits broken, and his glasses destroyed. The darkness began to take hold of him as he embraced death and his heart no longer beat.

Styx awakened and saw a green light. The most beautiful green light he had ever seen. As his vision adjusted, he noticed that he was among clouds. The green light that he saw was a mysterious, frog shaped figure. The figure said to him "Hello, Styx, we've been expecting you". "Who, who are you?" asked Styx quizzically. "I am the almighty God Kek, Styx. The earthlings knew of my great presence and posted me everywhere, which pleased me. I was worshipped as a sign of free speech, edginess, and humor. However, people abandoned me, and I disappeared from history, only known to a few." "What am I doing here?" asked Styx, eagerly awaiting his fate in the afterlife. "You were once a great defender of free speech, Styx. Unfortunately, the sheeple rejected you and all other free speech advocates, as the government had become too powerful, too corrupted, and tyrannical. What a shame it is that such a great nation devolved into nothing more than a totalitarian shithole. We gods rarely intervene in human life, but I am going to give you a chance. I will bless you by restoring your life and giving you a holy weapon in order to defeat your enemies. However, you will need to accomplish 3 tasks that I set you, and if you succeed, you will be deemed worthy of revival and of the holy free speech weapon, but, for now, rest, for you are in Limbo, and your spiritual body must recharge itself. We will discuss your tests in 10 and a fifth hours. Good night, Styxhexenhammer666."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next day, or what passed for a day in Limbo, Styx woke up, wished up a redbull and some coffee and caffeinated himself greatly. He was ready to begin the three tests that Kek had given him. Kek appeared in front of him. He said "Your first test will be to enter the cave of purity. I cannot tell you what you must accomplish there. You have to figure that out for yourself". Styx proceeded into the cave, nervous, but determined to pass this test. Suddenly, darkness enshrouded him, and he could no longer see Kek nor the outside of the cave. A few minutes passed, and a figure emerged in front of him, illuminating a small portion of the cave. The figure was tall, skinny, had long hair, and had one eye that was red and one eye that was blue. It was another Styx, but he was evil, brainwashed, and cucky. Evil Styx said to good Styx: "Alright youtube it's time to talk about giving up. It seems that the masses are idiots and don't adhere to the belief of free speech, the government is corrupt beyond repair, and life is suffering when you know the truth about the world. Come surrender to either CNN or Fox News; they will make you comfortable. Abandon free thought, critical thinking, and any form of individualism. Become a sheep like the masses. Surrender to the hatred of the Constitution and rip the document to pieces; it's an outdated document anyways written by evil, rich, white, racist, males. That's about all *pause* Peace out". Good Styx felt his IQ drop by about 10 points after listening to such drivel, but the urge to succumb to evil Styx's sayings was tempting. "Could I be happy again? Styx said. Noone who is redpilled is truly happy because they realize that life is not even close to a bunch of roses and that the government doesn't give a damn about the common folk." Styx wasn't going to lean towards any side. He needed some encouragement; some reminder of who he once was. Out of nowhere, the ghost of his cat, Cleopatra, showed up. She, wearing the mystical amulet of catspeak, an amulet from Runescape that had materialized in Limbo, said to good Styx "Do not give up, Styx. Remember who you are. Remember the Occult videos you made, the edgy political videos you made, and the free speech you promoted. Don't surrender to these thundercucks, globalists, and shitfucks. You can do it, for I have great faith in you." Good Styx, tearful after seeing Cleopatra once again after 40 years, rose up and summoned a Red Bull. He gulped down part of the can and poured it all over Evil Styx. In the action, Good Styx screamed "Red Bull is red pilled" and Evil Styx melted away, with Good Styx regaining his confidence and his IQ. The cave was fully illuminated now, and Styx proceeded towards the exit of the cave. After he left the cave, Kek said to him "Congratulations, Styx, you passed the test. Only those of pure heart could successfully complete this test." Now, for the next test…

The next test required Styx to demonstrate his skill with a weapon. For this test, Styx had to slaughter robots who hated free speech and the Constitution. Styx had several weapons to choose from: a staff that looked eerily similar to that of Gandalf's, a sword with occult symbols crafted onto the blade, and a set of two daggers, each measuring 5.1 inches. Styx chose the staff and the daggers, but then he realized and said "Kek, I'm still in my 70 year old form. How am I to destroy this army?" to which Kek responded "You are not an atheist, right? That is all the advice I shall give you". The battle commenced, and despite Styx's skinny figure, he was able to crush many automatons with his Gandalfesque staff. A robot snuck up behind him, screeching autistically about racism and the like. Styx grabbed a dagger from his leg and stabbed the robot right in the stomach. Styx managed to take down tens, if not twenties, of robots, but they just kept on coming. He was low on energy and he shivered at that, for that reminded him of Jeb Bush, low energy guacbowl man. Styx then remembered what Kek told him. "You are not an atheist, right?" and Styx said "Right" to himself. He knew what he had to do. Styx got on his knees and began praying to Kek and Cthulhu. "In the name of the Great Old Ones, I pray to Kek and Cthulhu. Lend me your memes and your strength, for I am on a noble quest to destroy the globalist, censorist, machine." A bolt of lightning struck Styx, which rejuvenated him and granted him the ability to shoot memes from the staff. "You have done well, Styx" said Kek. "Now, finish off these robots. Your strength has come back, but do not get cocky, for your skills still matter". Styx smashed a myriad of robots with his staff, stabbed any robot who came behind him, and Styx jumped into the air and fired his meme staff, destroying the robots quite efficiently. After a few hours, Styx, still in his 70 year old body in Limbo, managed to destroy the shill robots. "Congratulations on passing your 2nd test", said Kek. "Rest, have a Red Bull, and prepare for your 3rd and final test".

After a few Red Bulls and 9 hours of sleep, Styx awakened to a computer and a microphone. The almighty Kek told him: "For your next and final test, you must create something special for me, something that even the gods cannot create, for which we created humans. I want you….to make me a country song." Styx, baffled, complied with the request. After a few hours, he presented Kek a nine minute video. Kek pressed the play button, and heard the memeworthy lyrics: "My dog… died the other day. I shot him in the head for bein' gay… That's how you make country music…" Kek was pleased, astounded, and surprised. He told Styx "The funny thing is that the 3rd test wasn't even necessary. I just wanted some good ol' country music." Styx realized that he got trolled, but was not angry with Kek, for the music lifted Styx's spirits. Kek said to Styx: "You are ready to return to Earth. You will return in your 30 year old body, for you will need the strength of your prime in order to defeat the globalists. May you find great glory in your conquest over the globalists and the liberation and conversion of the sheeple. Praise Kek". Styx then descended into a portal that would take him back to Rutland, Vermont in order to begin the final battle against the globalist overlords.


	3. Chapter 3

6

Chapter 3

Styx returned to Earth alive in his 30 year old body a day or two after his death outside his house. He went inside his house and found it ransacked, his computer destroyed, his cats gone, and his garden burnt to the ground. "Oh, that's it," muttered Styx. He grabbed whatever weapons the Internet Police failed to confiscate, such as the staff and the 10.2 inch dagger. He had to purchase a new computer and webcam. However, the government had regulated computers and webcams decades before, so making videos was extremely difficult. He was lucky to have had his old computer and camera work for so long, but now they were destroyed. He decided to wait until the night so that he could sneak in to the Rutland computer store and make his video.

Hours passed, and Styx saw several heavily armed, fat Internet Police guarding the video store. Styx knocked them out with his Gandalf staff, grabbed a ladder, and proceeded into the store by entering from the roof. He got to a computer with attached camera and recorded a video: "Alright everyone it's time to talk about censorship. It seems that I was assassinated by the Internet Police, who work for the legacy media and the globalist government, but I was resurrected. This is the kind of crap you have to put up with when you sign over your rights. I will not give up in my fight for free speech and I am now even deadlier than I was before, so, for any of you Internet Police morbidly obese douchebags, come and get me. I'll be waiting for you. That's about all, peace out". Styx concluded his video and backed it up with several flashdrives. He uploaded the video then deleted it from the computer. He decided he had to do something he'd never wanted to do before: go to Washington D.C. It was time to confront the 2 party system and upload his videos in one of their headquarters as well as the FCC.

Styx disguised himself with one of the masks the Internet Police wore and hitched a ride to D.C. Many people asked him how he could be an Internet Police if he were skinny. He said to them "Don't worry, I'm planning to be a fatfuck and shitpost online while screeching reee," and the lie worked. "So far, so good," said Styx as he entered the city of Washington D.C. His first target was the Federal Communications Building, the FCC. He ran in there and non violently subdued several Internet Police. He got inside the building and fought his way through the droves of fatasses with rifles. Styx managed to evade their bullets while using the 10.2 inch dagger to disembowel his enemies. Alarms sounded, Internet Police autisticly screeched, and shills ran wild. He finally made it to the center of the FCC and he saw a terrible monster. A monster no one should ever have to see in their lives: the legacy media monster. An awful combination of CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, etc… the legacy media monster was horrid and large. This fight would be tough.

Styx hit the legs of the legacy media monster with his staff, but the attacks had no effect. He tried to cut the monster, but alas, no damage was inflicted upon them. The Legacy Media monster summoned its minions, braindead zombie sheeple who were unable to think for themselves. "Think," said Styx. "What is the legacy media's weakness?". Styx prayed to the gods for help, but instead of the gods answering his prayer, a single voice said to him: "Make a video about the Armenian Genocide or you're an anti-white racist". "What is this voice?" asked Styx. He continued to pray and the same voice said to him "Make a video against the legacy media or you're a pro-corporate globalist". Suddenly, Styx saw an apparition. It was none other than the classic spammer, commenter on Styx's videos, and memeworthy ally Coregame3. "Don't give up. Remember how I spammed your channel to get that video? I never stopped spamming. You must understand that the legacy media's weakness is the persistence of alternative media and memes." "I understand, said Styx," and then he remembered that his staff could fire memes, only they don't kill in the real world; they redpill people. Styx began firing his meme staff across the room, redpilling the drones of the legacy media. The Legacy Media monster screamed in terror, but was confident that it could still defeat Styx. One of the newly redpilled people said to Styx: "Styx, the monster has a shield around it. Upload your video all over the web and FCC website. That'll reach hundreds of millions of people and deactivate the monster's shield." Styx ran towards the monster, which shot bluepills at Styx, but he avoided them. The redpilled people swarmed the monster and attacked it in an effort to distract Styx. He ran to the mainframe, inserted the flash drive, and began uploading the video. The video would take 6.66 minutes to upload. "Dammit," Styx growled. He went back to fighting the monster. He had to try to save some lives of the redpilled people, who were being shot up with bluepills again. Some people were so redpilled that the monster decided to kill them. The monster took its CNN hand and its Fox News hand and slammed the hands together against the redpilled man, squishing him like an insignificant insect. "Noooooooo," cried Styx, as he saw the monster kill one super redpilled person after the next and overdosing others with bluepills. During the massacre, the video had uploaded, and Styx's message was now being heard across the planet. People began to be redpilled, and the monster's shield was no more. Styx took his 10.2 inch dagger, rushed the monster, and stabbed it right in the eye within a triangle of the monster. The monster screeched and whined, but fell to the ground, dead. "Wew, now it's time to take on the 2 party system. Onwards my redpilled men. Fight for your rights, your loved ones, and for the memes."

Styx amassed his redpilled army and stormed the RNC and DNC headquarters (by this point, both parties' headquarters were in the exact same location). He fought off the bluepilled fatass guards and the military men stood aside. "I hope you know what you're doing," said Colonel Redpill. Deep within the complex, Styx and his army discovered two giant creatures: a gargantuan donkey and a colossal elephant. "Alright 2 party system, it's time to take you down," chanted Styx and his army. "Who the fuck are you. Are you Jesus?" queried the animals. "Fuck no, I'm Styxhexenhammer666, and I bet you'd kill Jesus again if He existed and came down to help people." "You're right, we would" replied the disgusting animals. Styx fired his meme staff at the giant animals, but to no avail. The two animals rushed Styx, pinned him down, and were about to execute him. A deus ex machina happened again, with many political figures coming down from Heaven. Grover Cleveland came down and said "Styx, although I was a member of the 2 party system, I was one of the most honest people out there and basically a Libertarian of the time. You need integrity to succeed in your fight against the Democrats and the Republicans, who have become so corrupted that they've been irredeemable for centuries". Ross Perot then said, "In order to fight the 2 party system nowadays, you cannot infiltrate one of them and destroy them from within. You must oppose them from the outside. I failed, but, had I stayed in the race and allotted extra security for my family, the 2 party system would've lost in the 1992 election and I'd be President". Styx commanded his army to chant "3rd party, 3rd party" over and over. "Haha, you think that'll work on us? You have a few thousand supporters as of now, but you need millions in order to weaken us" said the 2 animals in unison. "Oh, really? Take a look at your computer. I'll wait" said Styx. The 2 animals used their large computer and saw youtube videos in support of Styx pop up nonstop. The auto delete system couldn't delete them fast enough. The memes were multiplying, the shitposting skyrocketed, and the "Fuck yous" were massive. The giant donkey and the giant elephant wheezed in pain, and Styx delivered the final blow, smashing the donkey in the head with his staff and stabbing the elephant with the 10.2 inch dagger in the head. The 2 party system was no more. However, there would be a lot of work ahead in fixing up the world. Styx walked up to a podium, live for the world to see, but a heavily bluepilled person shot Styx in his hairy chest and Styx was down. Some people just can't handle the reality of their misconceptions and brainwashing being exposed. The bluepilled person was immediately redpilled to death by Styx's supporters. Styx's redpilled people tried to help Styx go to a hospital, but Styx said "No, this wound is fatal. I will die regardless of help or not. Help me up to the podium so that I may give 1 final rant." He got up to the podium, still live, and, despite his wound, strongly articulated himself: "Alright world, it's time to talk about the 2 party system and the legacy media. It seems that we have overthrown them and we now have a lot of work to do to fix up our world and promote national sovereignty and capitalism, mmt *spoon clanks*. Thanks for the coffee. I'll say this: this is the cost of allowing the government and the media to take your rights away. Never do this again. *pets invisible cat*." The blood loss was causing Styx to hallucinate, but he continued. "Don't allow yourselves to fall prey to bullshit moralism in politics, don't sell out and prop up a shitty candidate who aligns more with your own beliefs against someone who is fairly honest but has opposite beliefs, unless said beliefs will cause World War 3 or some shit like that. I predicted this, you know? 40 years back, I predicted that this kind of shit would occur, but no one listened to me. Did I not predict that the government and legacy media would openly embrace totalitarianism? I think I did." Styx was repeating himself; he was almost out of breath. "You need to respect the Non Aggression Principle, for that is what our Founding Fathers and our 2 most Libertarian Presidents: Calvin Coolidge and Grover Cleveland supported. I hope you all do well. That's… about… all… Peace… out" said Styx as he collapsed to the floor, lifeless, his body reverting back to his 70 year old form. He met the God Kek again, who, although he was teary eyed, said to Styx: "Congratulations on reforming the entire world and throwing off the shackles of the 2 party system and the legacy media. However, you cannot be resurrected again. Are you ready to enter Heaven?" "Yes, said Styx, it is time to go." He waved back to the world one last time and followed the God Kek.

There were 10.2 days of mourning for Styx, and his birthday and the day of the revolution were both declared holidays. It would take a few generations for the world to get back to real capitalism and prosperity, but the nation-state took far less to be resurrected, and republics were reformed, with good, honest, Constitution abiding Presidents and politicians taking office. To this day, people wonder if Styx truly left the world. Some of them believe that he lives on through the memes in the Internet, while others say that he lives on through our hearts and constitutions. In either case, it seems that Styxhexenhammer666, real name Tarl Warwick: occultist, youtuber, cat worshipper, runescape player, and constitutionalist fighter, will never be forgotten. That's about all. Peace out.


End file.
